


Versions of History

by OnlyStraightForJongup



Category: B.A.P
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - Soulmates, But not really death?, Daejae best friends, Fluff, Humor, M/M, Mentions of Death, Reincarnation, Romance, daeup, touches of angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-04
Updated: 2017-11-01
Packaged: 2019-01-09 03:11:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 15,350
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12267678
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/OnlyStraightForJongup/pseuds/OnlyStraightForJongup
Summary: Daehyun doesn't really understand what happened in his past life - dancing? gangs? getting locked in a freezer? - but he's pretty chill about it all.  Well, until he actually sees his soulmate, Moon Jongup.  It's understandable; who can blame him for getting a little freaked out when he watches his soulmate murder him?Meanwhile, Jongup's got an entirely different set of memories of their past life, and he remembers them living a long, happy life together?  Daehyun might be confused about it all - if he hadn't panicked and ran away when Jongup met his eyes.  At least Daehyun can rely on Youngjae for help... or not.





	1. Remain Calm and Panic

**Author's Note:**

> This is totally a spur of the moment fic, but I like it so I figured I'd share :)

“Does he have a nice face?” Youngjae asked. Daehyun could hear him bouncing in excitement even through the phone speaker.

“I – _what?”_ As his words registered, a jolt went through Daehyun’s body, nearly dislodging the phone stuck between his ear and his shoulder. As it was, his gym bag dropped to the ground, clanging as the shoulder clip hit the glossy, hard floor. He winced as a nearby woman glanced at him with disapproving, why-are-you-interrupting-my-workout eyes.

“Better yet, does he have a nice ass?” Youngjae was fucking smiling, and Daehyun knew it from the tone of his voice.

This was not an amusing situation. At all.

“Youngjae!” Daehyun hissed, not daring to speak too loudly. The man he was watching hadn’t noticed him, instead continuing to lift weights and face away from Daehyun. He squatted, lifting the weight and showing off well-toned arms and legs.

Goddammit, he had a glorious ass. Daehyun tore his eyes off it, rolling them and remembering the situation at hand. “Youngjae. He literally murdered me in my past life. I do not care about his ass.” He accentuated each word both vocally and with gestures Youngjae couldn’t see.

Youngjae scoffed. “Possibly killed you. You don’t have all the details.” 

“All the details?” If Daehyun could have forced himself to look away from the stranger and his stupid, nice body then he would have stared incredulously towards his phone. “I just watched him! I’m at the gym, and I just watched my soulmate kill me, and now he’s right fucking there!” 

“Didn’t you just remember getting locked in a freezer with him though? How did both happen? Did he shoot you in the freezer?” Youngjae laughed as he finished the question, and Daehyun bit the inside of his cheek hard because he’d never wanted to murder Youngjae more.

He would have thought finding out his past life ended in tragedy would have made him more averse to violence, but Yoo Youngjae always had brought out the worst in him.

“No!” Daehyun raised his voice a little too high and glanced away from a tall man who looked up and met his eye. Why were people looking at him for being loud? This wasn’t a library; he could talk at any volume he damn well wished. Daehyun lowered his voice. “He did not shoot me in the freezer!”

“I’m just saying, Dae – maybe there’s more to this than you think. Has he seen you?” Before Daehyun could reply, the guy he totally wasn’t staring at set down his weight – and Daehyun totally didn’t watch his muscles ripple under his sweaty tank top as he did it. 

He lifted the bottom of his shirt to wipe the sweat off his forehead, and Daehyun couldn’t hold back a soft moan at the sight of way-too-perfect abs.

“ _Ohmygod!”_ Youngjae cackled, loud enough to hurt Daehyun’s ears. He grabbed his phone and pulled it away with a grimace, looking away from the stranger. “You’re shameless!” Youngjae couldn’t stop laughing, and his words came out in gasps. “Is his ass really that nice?”

Daehyun contemplated finding a better best friend, not for the first time. Hell, it hadn’t even been five minutes since the last time. He’d have to wait until later to consider new possibilities though because when he stole another look at the stranger, he met a pair of small, dark eyes.

Daehyun fucking hated how cliché the moment became as he watched those stupid eyes widen and knew the stranger was watching scenes from their past life together. Or possibly not together - you know, considering he _murdered_ Daehyun in it.

But... he also got locked in a freezer with Daehyun? And they both loved singing and dancing? Okay, so Daehyun hadn’t quite figured out the whole story yet, but he certainly wasn’t waiting for the stranger to add his two cents in. With a jerky, definitely-not-playing-it-cool movement, Daehyun turned and ran out of the gym, bag bouncing on his shoulder.

Maybe if he ran fast enough, he could still count the run and the heart attack he had before it as a workout.

“Daehyun?” Youngjae sounded confused, and it struck Daehyun that he was still holding the phone close enough to his ear to hear Youngjae through it. 

“What?” Daehyun said, slowing down enough to exit through one of the turning security gates in front of the main doors.

“Did you – run away?” Youngjae still sounded a little amused, and Daehyun still wanted to return him and get a new best friend. 

“No!” He paused, looking around the green lawn and already walking far away from the stranger and his nice muscles. “Maybe?”

“Daehyuunnn” Youngjae dragged his name into a long whine, voice rising in pitch and making Daehyun contemplate hanging up. He sighed, running a hand through his hair as he tried to decide where to walk from there. Youngjae quieted for a long pause, only speaking when it became clear Daehyun wouldn’t. “Are you okay?” 

The honest worry in his voice made Daehyun bite his lip and almost regret everything mean he’d thought about Youngjae in the past couple minutes. Almost.

“Yeah – I just –” Daehyun cut off with another sigh. He couldn’t hide his disappointment, not from Youngjae at least.

A balled-up mess of emotions hung in his head, leaking through his body like oil spreading through an ocean, making him a goopy, brown mess. Daehyun usually tried to avoid over-dramatizing situations, but he figured over-exaggeration and ridiculous similes were understandable considering everything.

He’d wanted to find his soulmate for years – for, well, for forever. Today he did, and his soulmate… shot him in the neck. Or at least, he remembered his soulmate shooting him in the neck. 

Daehyun rested a hand against the giant tree in front of the gym. It had already begun to lose leaves, and he took the time to follow one as it traveled from a high branch to the ground. As it fell, the soft, still-warm breeze caught it, making it spin a couple times in the air. It flipped over and over before finally coming to rest on the ground.

Soulmates weren’t easy to find and the memories weren’t easy to piece together, but fate had it out for Daehyun even more than usual. Most people didn’t remember singing in the same memory where their soulmate murdered them. 

He supposed he should be used to it by now. The flashes of memories he’d gotten for as long as he could remember never made sense, and even the longer memories he’d gotten since the start of fall semester didn’t clarify anything.

He hated it. Daehyun loved his soulmate and wanted to meet him, but he hated the memories and hated how little he understood about anything.

The wind grabbed at the leaves on the ground, shifting their positions and sending them skating across the grass. He wished the wind would grab him and fly him far away too, but of course it didn’t work like that. 

Besides, he’d already ran away. One side of his mouth pulled up in a weird mimicry of a half-smile, but the shape of it felt foreign, too unlike his customary wide grin. Now that he’d left the immediate situation, Daehyun couldn’t help but feel all the shock and fear he’d felt watching the stranger and realizing they were meant for each other drain out of him.

“Daehyun?” Youngjae’s voice startled him out of his bitter thoughts. He pushed it all away, making a quiet sound so Youngjae knew he was listening. “Come home. We can talk here.”

For once, Daehyun didn’t feel like talking, but he knew Youngjae wouldn’t take no for an answer. “Okay.” The word stuck in his throat, coming out quiet and dry. It seemed all the liquid in his throat had travelled to his eyes because he could hardly speak without his voice cracking, but the excess moisture blurred his vision and threatened to roll down his face.

He hung up, not waiting for Youngjae to respond and try to cheer him up or anything. Daehyun adjusted his bag, slipping his headphones on and beginning to play music as he walked away from the gym.

Part of him wondered what his soulmate had seen, because it must have been terrible considering he didn’t even try to find Daehyun. Certainly, otherwise he would have run after him and stopped him.

Daehyun would decide later if he wished the guy had followed him or not.

Daehyun’s throat worked, and tears swam in his vision. A hard blink dislodged one of them, and it trailed down his cheek. He licked it off.

Every time – every single time – he’d imagined meeting his soulmate, he’d imagined a hug – at the very least. Instead, he’d gawked until his luck ran out and they met eyes, and then he proceeded to run away.

Smooth. 

Another tear dripped from his eye, and he wiped it off his face with the back of his hand. Daehyun wondered what the guy saw of them together. Soulmates hardly ever saw the same visions at the same time, so he doubted the guy watched himself murder Daehyun – but he’d no doubt seen something strange. 

Whatever happened in their past life, all Daehyun really knows is that it was fucking strange.

Daehyun walked faster, watching leaves blow across sidewalks and passing one of the men who seemed to constantly wander the campus with a loud-ass leaf blower. He could hear it over his music, and the leaves jerked in the air, tumbling instead of swaying.

He looked away, focusing on putting one foot in front of the other, caught up in memories he’d observed with care and then written down, all in the pursuit of a soulmate who had murdered him.

He’d locked every detail of what he’d observed into his mind, knowing one day he’d need to search for his soulmate. In the past months, Daehyun had grown more and more excited, the flashes of memories coming more and more often.

That meant his soulmate must be close. Daehyun felt ready to meet them, ready to love them. He just wanted his fairytale ending. And then his soulmate shot him in the fucking neck.

Daehyun probably shouldn’t hold it against him. The guy couldn’t understand more about their past life than Daehyun did and… fuck. He really did just find his soulmate and then ran away. Wonderful. Daehyun huffed, shaking his head at his own idiocy and walking faster. He shoved his hands into the pockets of his shorts.

Daehyun walked up the steps to his and Youngjae’s apartment complex, using his key to get in and taking the elevator to the fifth floor (so much for that workout). He’d only just started to open their door when it flung open.

Daehyun lunged backwards to avoid it, letting out a small “ah!” and standing frozen as Youngjae nearly jumped him.

“Are you okay?” he asked, both hands holding Daehyun’s face as though he expected to find some injury. At least Daehyun had stopped crying already.

“Fine,” Daehyun said, brushing past him and going inside. He tossed his bag into the corner.

His heart still pounded in his chest, and his hands shook a little as he avoided all thoughts of his soulmate. He wasn’t fine, and he didn’t know why he didn’t want to tell Youngjae that.

But of course Youngjae already knew, and he wrapped an arm around Daehyun, pulling him back over to the couch and not letting him escape to the solitude of his room.

“Nope, no sulking,” Youngjae said, acting as though he didn’t even notice Daehyun’s loud complaint as he manhandled him back onto the couch. “Talk.”

“Maybe I don’t want to.” Daehyun glared even though the words were already building in his chest. “Maybe I want to –”

“Cry about it alone? Ignore it and watch it get a thousand times worse?” Youngjae’s dry, matter-of-fact voice made Daehyun clench his jaw, teeth grinding together as he remembered again why he hated Youngjae. “Please, enlighten me about what you want to do.”

“I _hate you,”_ Daehyun said. He shook his head and his mouth dropped open a little, as though he was only now realizing how he truly felt about Yoo Youngjae. “I really hate you.”

“You love me.” Youngjae waved a dismissive hand. “Now – talk. Tell me everything.”

“No!” Daehyun’s anger ignited again, and he crossed his arms. “I tried to tell you and all you did was ask me about his ass.”

“In my defense, it was a nice ass.”

“That’s not a defense!” Daehyun considered punching Youngjae, but they’d been friends long enough to know not even physical violence could stop Youngjae from being himself.

“Listen, you were all ‘my soulmate murdered me in a past life’ and I had to cheer you up. You’re normally all for checking out guys’ asses.” Youngjae looked him up and down, as though judging him for something. “You would have done it without me saying anything anyway.”

“He is not just _some guy.”_ Daehyun tried to reign his anger in before he too became a murderer. “He’s my soulmate.”

“Who you ran away from.” Youngjae’s lips quirked into a smile, and he raised an eyebrow. “I thought you had game, Daehyun, but apparently – Ow!”

Daehyun punched him. Not like, hard or anything. It hurt Daehyun’s hand a little, but he blamed that on Youngjae’s bony-ass shoulder, not the force of the punch. Youngjae rubbed at his shoulder, pouting. Even though Daehyun knew he wasn’t really hurt, he couldn’t help but regret hitting him.

“Sorry.” He meant it. “I – don’t know what I’m doing?” Normally, he’d never admit that to Youngjae because he knew Youngjae would crow with triumphant laughter and never fucking let it go. This wasn’t a normal situation, though, and Youngjae didn’t laugh.

“You’ve been so excited,” Youngjae said, his tone growing gentler. “You gotta talk to him.”

“How will I even find him?” Daehyun looked away, swallowing hard because even if his soulmate murdered past-him, the thought of seeing him again sent a pleased spark through his chest. “I don’t even know his name.”

“Does he look like he goes to the gym a lot?”

“Youngjae…”

“I’m serious!” Youngjae’s mouth dropped open, and he looked so absurdly affronted that all he was missing was a hand clasped tight against his heart. Daehyun didn’t put that past him. He rolled his eyes, making a circular motion with his hand so Youngjae would continue. “We can go back there, and maybe he’ll be there again.”

“What do I say to him?” Daehyun’s heart lurched at the thought of even seeing the guy, let alone talking to him. He flailed his hands around, just to make sure Youngjae knew exactly how freaked out this plan made him.

“Maybe start with hello? How are you? Fine weather we’re having?” 

“Okay, so you’re no help,” Daehyun said. Youngjae made an offended sound, and this time his hand really did clutch at his heart. With a sigh and a roll of his eyes, Daehyun considered punching him again on the other shoulder. 

Youngjae seemed to pick up on his plan, scooching further away from Daehyun and watching with narrowed, mistrustful eyes. 

“Seriously though. You’ve been seeing so much, and I’m sure he is too. Did he even see you there? He’s probably looking for you.” 

Daehyun nodded, mouth going dry as he thought of those stupid, dark eyes widening. He had beautiful eyes; Daehyun knew that from the quick glimpse. And his angular face and high cheekbones, not to mention his – shit, Daehyun needed to stop thinking.

“He didn’t follow me though,” Daehyun said, his voice dropping until it became barely audible. The words cut his chest on the way out. Youngjae tilted his head to the side, waiting for Daehyun to explain what he meant. “He definitely saw me, but he didn’t follow me.”

Youngjae nodded a couple times, rolling his lip through his teeth as he thought. “We already know your past life was… confusing. Maybe he saw something weird.”

Daehyun scoffed. “Youngjae. I remember dying like four times. Confusing doesn’t even begin to cover it.”

“Maybe you’re remembering multiple lives?” Youngjae’s eyebrows drew together as he said it, hesitant because he knew it didn’t make sense. No one remembered more than their last past life. It was much more common to only remember one aspect of their last life than remember multiple lives. Daehyun shook his head.

“How – how was that my life?” he asked, staring at Youngjae with desperate eyes as though he held the answers. “It makes no sense.” Tears burned at the corner of his eyes, and he promised himself he wouldn’t let them fall. Youngjae sighed, and of course he had no answer.

He pulled Daehyun into a tight hug and continued to hold him until he stopped shaking. Youngjae pretended not to notice when Daehyun broke his promise to not cry, and he whispered quiet, comforting words into Daehyun’s ear.

“We’ll find him,” Youngjae promised. “We’ll find him and talk to him, and I’m sure we’ll figure this out.”

Daehyun didn’t answer, but he offered Youngjae a tentative smile as he pulled away. Youngjae smiled back, and Daehyun felt a surge of fondness as he realized they would figure this out together.

Then he remembered Youngjae’s amusement at his initial situation, and the fondness curled up and died somewhere. Just like Daehyun did in a past life, apparently. After his soulmate shot him.

He had no idea what he was doing, and for all Youngjae’s insistence, Daehyun was quite certain they were both flying blind with this situation.

Good thing there was nothing to lose, except… his entire future with his soulmate, the single person made for him to love through every lifetime.

“We’re going to the gym,” Youngjae said, tearing Daehyun from his thoughts. He shook his head hard enough to hurt his neck, eyes widening as he stared. Youngjae nodded, a single, firm motion. “What could go wrong? We just need to talk to the guy.”

“He’s not just some guy – he’s my soulmate!”

“Exactly.” Youngjae nodded again, doing that same confident motion. “We need to clear this up or you’ll be moping for weeks.”

“I don’t _mope.”_

“Daehyun,” Youngjae said. “I live with you. You mope. I would know.”

“I am me!” Daehyun said. “I know more about – Why am I even arguing with you?” He shook his head and scoffed.

Youngjae patted his shoulder, smiling a stupid, comforting smile. Daehyun watched him struggle to hold back a laugh.

“It’s okay, Daehyunnie. I’m here for you.”

Well, he may not know what would happen with his soulmate or his future, but at least he knew he hated Youngjae more than the guy who murdered him in their past life.

“C’mon, we’re going back to the gym.” Youngjae tugged at Daehyun’s arm, standing up and trying to pull him up too. Daehyun shook his head, sliding out of range while his wide eyes stared at Youngjae in disbelief. “Oh, stand up, you big baby.”

“I can’t go back there!” Daehyun let Youngjae pull him onto his feet. Youngjae raised an eyebrow, waiting for Daehyun to continue. “I – he – what if he’s gone already?”

“Then we leave,” Youngjae said, shrugging. He glanced down at himself, straightening his clothes and messing with his hair so he looked decent enough to leave the apartment.

Daehyun let Youngjae pull him towards the door, shaking his head as Youngjae forced him out of it. “No, no, no. This is a bad plan. What do I say? What if he’s there?” 

“We’ll figure it out on the way,” Youngjae said, and his eyes looked just serious enough for Daehyun to know he planned on honestly trying to help. 

Too bad Youngjae normally still fucked things up even with good intentions.

Daehyun nodded, following Youngjae as he walked the same route Daehyun had ran not too long ago. The wind had started blowing quicker, and Daehyun regretted not grabbing a jacket. He rubbed his hands on his arms, trying to get rid of the goose bumps. 

The motion reminded him all too clearly of the memories he’d gotten flashes in the past couple weeks. Ever since the semester started, more and more flashes started happening, signaling he’d gotten closer to his soulmate. 

Daehyun could remember strange, unchronological scenes which he couldn’t pull into a single life for anything. Some memories made him seem like some sort of singer, but in others, he wielded guns like he spent every day holding them.

In one of them, he got locked in a freezer, and he remembered shivering to try and stay warm. Daehyun didn’t remember dying though, so maybe someone rescued them?

And then when he saw his soulmate in person, it threw him into the first ever memory where he could recognize another person, instead of seeing blurry figures.

Daehyun had stared into his soulmate’s cold eyes and felt his own arms raise a gun. His soulmate had taken the gun and turned it, leaving Daehyun’s fingers trapped under his own. Daehyun didn’t move – couldn’t move – and so he watched his soulmate’s face.

The guy had the audacity to smirk before shooting him in the neck. 

At least it hadn’t hurt Daehyun to remember dying.

“Youngjae?” Daehyun’s voice came out strangled, and Youngjae stopped and turned, frowning at him. “I can’t do this.”

Youngjae bit at his lip, no doubt trying to judge whether to keep pushing or not. Daehyun shook his head, desperate for Youngjae to understand he really couldn’t do this.

Youngjae nodded, motioning Daehyun over towards the trunk of the same tree he leaned against earlier that morning. They sat, leaning against it and watching the wind play with its leaves. Daehyun tucked his knees to his chest, wrapping his arms around them and trying to stay warm. For a long pause, neither spoke.

“Is it the memories, or are you scared because he’s your soulmate?” 

Daehyun looked down at his knees, curling up even tighter. His stomach flopped over with the question. “Yes?”

Youngjae chuckled, even though Daehyun didn’t mean for it to be funny. “You’ve been waiting for him,” Youngjae said, and Daehyun hated how logical he got sometimes. “He’s your soulmate.”

“Exactly!” Daehyun said. He swallowed, lowering his voice. “What if he doesn’t like me?”

“Daehyun,” Youngjae spoke more firmly, pausing until Daehyun glanced at him. “He’ll like you.” Youngjae wrapped an arm around him, and Daehyun leaned into his side, appreciating the warmth. “You can do this.”

Daehyun bit at his lip, picking at it until it began to sting. He took a deep breath, considering his options. 

If he left now, he didn’t know when he’d see the guy again. Daehyun couldn’t deny he wanted to see him. God, he didn’t even know his name.

And… if he left now, it was possible his soulmate would think Daehyun didn’t want to meet him. Goddammit. Daehyun sighed, pressing his palms to his eyes before standing. Youngjae jumped up beside him, a wide smile on his face as he followed Daehyun into the gym. 

As soon as they got inside, Daehyun’s eyes flew to where he saw the guy, but he wasn’t still there. Daehyun frowned, scanning around the gym.

“Is he that one?” Youngjae asked, pointing out some random guy. Daehyun shook his head. “What about that one?” Daehyun fixed him with an unamused stare as Youngjae pointed out the elderly janitor mopping a corner of the floor. Youngjae shrugged, his face going angelic and innocent.

Daehyun snorted. As if Youngjae knew the definition of innocent.

They moved to the stairs, passing through the free weight section and climbing to the floor with the machines and cardio equipment. Daehyun chewed on his lip as he scanned the people present.

What if he’d already left? Daehyun and Youngjae passed the upstairs lockers, and Daehyun pursed his lips, unsure of where to go from there.

“Is that him?”

“Youngjae, I swear to fucking god if you ask me that one more time I will – holy shit!” Daehyun’s threat ended with a loud squeak, and he ducked behind one of the rows of lockers, grabbing Youngjae so he wouldn’t get some idea about walking up to the guy or something.

“That’s him?” Youngjae asked as though Daehyun’s reaction wasn’t enough of a response. He peered around the lockers, eyes moving up and down, and Daehyun tried to ignore how he very clearly checked the guy out. “ _God-fucking-damn.”_

__If Youngjae could whistle, no doubt he’d do it. His eyes had settled so he watched something lower than eye level, and Daehyun turned his eyes upward, asking for strength as Youngjae no doubt watched the guy’s stupid ass._ _

__The high ceiling offered him neither advice nor strength, so he only rolled his eyes and grabbed Youngjae’s shirt, pulling him back around the other side of the lockers._ _

Youngjae’s wide eyes met his, and Daehyun raised an eyebrow, trying to play it cool. His hands fiddled with the bottom on his shirt, betraying his anxiety. “Dude.” Youngjae’s voice was quiet. “How the hell do _you_ have a soulmate who looks like _that?”_

__“Youngjae, what the hell? Now is not the time!” Daehyun waved his hands, then thought of a better way to emphasize his words and smacked the back of Youngjae’s head._ _

__“Ow! Okay, asshole.” He rubbed his head. “Just saying though – if you want to trade…”_ _

__“He’s – you can’t – ” Daehyun took a deep breath, shaking his head. “Why did I come here with you?”_ _

__“Because you’re a chicken and won’t fucking talk to the kid.”_ _

__Daehyun scoffed, shaking his head in denial. He would talk to him, just… not now._ _

__“C’mon,” Youngjae said, his smile falling as he got a little more serious. He dropped a hand on Daehyun’s shoulder. “You know you want to talk to him.”_ _

__“Okay, fine - maybe.” Daehyun crossed his arms, leaning back against the locker. “But what do I even say?”_ _

__“How about ‘hello, soulmate, sorry for being a fucking coward and running away an hour ago. Wanna chat?’” Youngjae smiled and did jazz hands at Daehyun as he finished._ _

__“Youngjae! This is a serious situation.” Daehyun hissed the words at him, high-key considering hitting him again. Youngjae rolled his eyes, stepping away from Daehyun to peek around the corner._ _

__He looked around, only to let out a high “eep!” and throw himself back next to Daehyun. Before Daehyun could ask what happened, Youngjae’s wide, shocked eyes met his, and Daehyun’s soulmate stepped around the corner._ _

__In the split second before they locked eyes, Daehyun realized three things._ _

__One, the guy was tiny. Two, he could see his abs through his tank top and that wasn’t okay. Three, Youngjae was trying to run away, and Daehyun refused to let that happen when this was all his fault. He grabbed Youngjae’s wrist without looking away from the guy, and that’s when they met eyes for the second time._ _

__His eyes were even more beautiful up close. Somehow, even with the guy’s red, sweaty face, his friendly eyes and small smile managed to soften his entire appearance. His mouth dropped open, and Daehyun watched him swallow._ _

__“Oh.” The quiet syllable sounded more like a gasp than a word, but Daehyun already knew the guy must have the softest, sweetest voice he’s ever heard. “Hello.”_ _

__“H-hi.”_ _

__Daehyun couldn’t fucking believe he just fell in love with his possibly-murderous soulmate while holding Youngjae’s hand._ _


	2. Metaphors

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jongup wondered if seeing his soulmate had slowed time down. The guy still said nothing, even though it felt as though he’d waited to hear him speak for hours.
> 
> Or perhaps time passed faster, and they both looked like gawking idiots. Jongup figured it was a toss-up.

“You’re still here,” Jongup said, realizing from how weak his voice sounded that he hadn’t taken a breath since he’d seen his soulmate. He managed a solid one right as the man's eyes dropped to the floor, his face darkening with an even redder blush than before.

Jongup finished his deep breath, waiting for the man to say something. He fidgeted when it didn’t happen, glancing down at himself to try and see what he could be staring at.

His white tank top had sweat stains under both arms, and Jongup regretted not caring about those this morning – not to mention the wet marks from the workout he just finished. Frowning, he shook the thoughts from his head and looked back at his soulmate, wondering if he should say something to end the uncomfortable silence.

Their eyes met again, and this time, Jongup had the chance to focus on them, now that he wasn’t as caught up in the shock of the moment. It felt like déjà vu; he found it disconcerting because he knew nothing about his soulmate, but he recognized those wide eyes.

Jongup hadn’t understood immediately when he first spotted the guy – his heart had jumped so hard he nearly stumbled, freezing and staring into those eyes. Only when his vision wavered, and he met his soulmate’s eyes in the memory had he realized what happened.

For years, Jongup had watched his soulmate’s blurry figure and listened to a voice only just out of earshot. No matter how hard he strained, he couldn’t make out the details, except for his soulmate's warm touch and a loud laugh Jongup could distinguish in almost every memory.

After they made eye contact, Jongup watched those same mesmerizing eyes through the first clear memory he’d ever experienced. They became crescents as thin arms wrapped around his waist and tugged him onto the couch, refusing to release him.

Jongup had acted annoyed as his soulmate giggled above him, even though he knew he’d have no problem getting out of the aggressive embrace if he wanted. His soulmate had draped himself overtop of Jongup, pressing his chest into Jongup’s back and fitting their bodies together.

Jongup’s face reddened, and he shook the memory off. His soulmate stood right in front of him, and there he was thinking about memories of him. He held back a wave of annoyance at himself; this wasn't the time. Jongup pulled himself back to the present, trying to absorb everything he now saw.

His soulmate looked even more stunning in real life and without the haze of old memories clouding around him. He stood taller than Jongup, but that was no surprise. The man had ruffled his sandy-blonde hair, probably running his hand through it too many times.

Jongup wondered if seeing his soulmate had slowed time down. The guy still said nothing, even though it felt as though he’d waited to hear him speak for hours.

Or perhaps time passed faster, and they both looked like gawking idiots. Jongup figured it was a toss-up.

With all his dancing, he’d thought he understood what it felt like for his heart to race, but the surreal gymnastics it performed now was new and dramatic as all hell, as though he’d stepped straight into a drama. 

Maybe they needed to wait for the scene of them seeing each other to play in slow motion, giving all the viewers time to squeal in happiness. After that, they could continue their conversation again. Jongup's eyes slipped over to the other man standing beside his soulmate. He leaned against the lockers, looking annoyed. Okay, so that ended that theory. He didn't look like he'd "aww" anytime soon over them.

“I left,” his soulmate said, and Jongup's attention snapped back to him. The other man's reaction didn't matter. “But – I came back? I’m back now.” His voice echoed off the lockers, too loud and high-pitched as he forced sound out of uncooperating lungs.

“Right.” Jongup’s voice sounded too quiet, and he tried to find something to say, eyes scanning up and down his soulmate. “You’re back.”

“What’s your name?” It took until his mouth formed those words for Jongup to notice his large lips. He nodded, his eyes flickering around as he tried to take in everything about his soulmate – his golden skin, his messy blonde hair.

Even his tense voice. Jongup wondered what it would sound like when his soulmate figured out how to breathe again.

He wished he could hear the voice again, but the man didn’t speak, and – oh shit, he’d asked a question. Jongup flushed, reigning his thoughts in so he could respond. “Jongup. My name’s Jongup.”

“Jongup,” his soulmate repeated his name, and Jongup’s heart did another flip in his chest as his soulmate said his name with a honey-soft voice. He licked his lips and mouthed the name a second time. Jongup’s heart lurched into the air again, and this time he’s pretty sure it did a full twist too. “I’m Daehyun.”

The man beside Daehyun snorted, and Jongup jumped, unsure why the stranger cared about them at all. Jongup glanced at him, but he cared more about Daehyun than some random man. 

Daehyun. God, he understood now why Daehyun had repeated his name so many times; Jongup thought he’d never grow tired of hearing Daehyun’s.

Jongup dropped his eyes and realized the guy and Daehyun were holding hands – or, more accurately, Daehyun’s fingers were locked around his wrist. He frowned. Oh god - maybe they were in a drama, and shit was about to get complicated real quick. He hoped not. Jongup had gone an entire eighteen years with no huge dramatic events, and he didn't want to change that now. Drama sucked balls.

Daehyun jerked and let go of the hand as soon as Jongup’s eyes focused on it, eyes widening until it almost looked comical and rubbing his hand against his pants as though disgusted he’d been touching the other man. Jongup held back a sigh of relief. Again - not a drama. Things were weird only cause soulmates were weird. It happened to everyone.

“I wasn’t –” Daehyun said, glancing at the guy and then back at Jongup with wide eyes and his mouth opened into a small circle. The man huffed, crossing his arms. 

“Hi, I’m Youngjae,” he said, his voice short and clipped. “I’m friends with this idiot, who’s apparently speechless for the first fucking time in his life.” Youngjae grabbed Daehyun's arm.

“What are you doing?” Daehyun hissed, trying to shake him off. Youngjae gripped him harder, rolling his eyes.

“You’re both being stupid, and you’re blocking people from getting to their stuff, so let’s just go somewhere else, ‘kay?” Youngjae started to steer Daehyun towards the gym entrance, making him stumble and tear his eyes off Jongup. "God, it's painful to watch you two." Jongup hesitated, wondering if he really wanted to follow.

Youngjae took a couple steps before glancing back, letting out a long, self-suffering sigh as he realized Jongup wasn’t right behind him. “Look, I’d grab you too, but you’re sweaty and gross, and you smell. I don’t really wanna touch you.”

Daehyun hissed out an angry, indignant _“Youngjae,”_ but Jongup had to agree with him. He could feel the sweat drying on his face and neck. If he’d had gotten a choice over how he'd meet his soulmate, Jongup wouldn’t have chosen a day where he’d rolled out of bed, thrown some shorts on and worked out for an hour.

He wouldn’t have, like, dressed up or worn a suit or anything too special. But – perhaps he would have brushed his hair. Or showered. Washing his face might have been a good idea too. Jongup grimaced, glad there wasn’t a mirror around. He didn't want to know.

“Yeah, yeah, we know you want to touch him.” Youngjae finally released his arm. Daehyun smacked him with his now-free hand, making Youngjae scoff and grab his wrist again.

“I’m sorry,” Daehyun said, turning back to Jongup with wide, pleading eyes. Jongup nodded, glancing back and forth between Youngjae and Daehyun. He didn’t know what to do. “Please say something?” Daehyun’s voice came out small and hesitant, and Jongup’s thumping heart ached at the sound of it.

He swallowed hard, completely unprepared for how much he cared about Daehyun’s discomfort. “I – yeah, I’ll come. I just need my stuff.” He managed to tear his eyes away from Daehyun and turn back to the lockers.

His hand trembled as he opened his locker and pulled his bag out, swinging it over his shoulder. Jongup turned back, only to meet Daehyun’s eyes again. His heart jumped as he realized Daehyun had been staring at him.

A smile grew on his face when Daehyun blushed again, but Youngjae snorted, spinning Daehyun around and starting to walk away. This time, Jongup followed, trailing after them. Daehyun pulled his hand away from Youngjae, huffing and looking back towards Jongup.

A grin lit up his entire face when he saw him following them. Jongup couldn’t help but smile back.

“Where are we going?” Jongup asked as Daehyun held the door for him. His hand rested against the door as Jongup reached out for it, making him contemplate if he should grab Daehyun’s hand. Those large eyes swirled with panic and shock and sure, Jongup thought he saw longing, but he didn't want to scare Daehyun so he only brushed his fingers against Daehyun’s skin as he passed.

Jongup’s gentle touch still made Daehyun stiffen, but the warmth from his hand made it all worth it. Daehyun’s hands were soft, and Jongup fingertips tingled from the touch. He looked away from Daehyun just in time to see his entire vision ripple.

“To my –” Daehyun spoke, but Jongup only heard the beginning before he lost touch with the present. As always, it felt as though a thin blanket had been laid over his senses, covering him and letting him enter an old memory.

He never felt totally lost during these memories; Jongup was still in the present, with Daehyun and walking out of the gym, but he’d also entered a dream-like, blurry room. The duality had taken time to get used to, but after years of these memories, it no longer left him as confused as it once did.

He sat on something hard – a chair? No, not a chair, but that didn’t matter. Someone’s – Daehyun’s, a spark in his chest reminded him – breath tickled his ear, and Jongup shied away from the touch, a smile lighting up his face even as he huffed and shook his head like a dog.

Daehyun. Jongup didn’t turn his head, couldn’t turn his head because this was a memory and even though he really stood next to Daehyun, he couldn’t look at him right now. Daehyun’s hand found his side and squeezed hard, making him jerk away to the sound of Daehyun’s laughter.

Uncontrolled, loud laughter. So far he’d only heard Daehyun’s soft voice. Jongup wondered if he laughed like that in his current life too.

Even though he wasn’t truly annoyed, he still wiggled away, pouting as Daehyun’s laughter grew louder. Jongup pressed back against him before the laugh ended, reaching behind him and swiping through the air until Daehyun linked their fingers together.

He schooled his face into something more professional, and the expression in the memory felt unfamiliar on his current face. Daehyun released his hand, letting him drop it into a more natural position. Once again, he felt Daehyun’s breath, this time stirring his hair. He ignored it, not letting it affect his expression.

A camera clicked and continued clicking until the haze finished fading away, and Jongup returned to the present.

He blinked as the light brightened, sunlight streaming onto the sidewalk. Extra warmth still radiated off his hand, and he couldn’t help the soft smile on his face as he processed the memory.

Over the years he’d gotten many like that, and at first, he’d scoffed at them because all he really knew about his soulmate was how he never stopped touching and annoying Jongup, grabbing at anything he could reach and leaping on top of him with no warning.

Jongup had tried to feel irritated, even though he’d always enjoyed the sound of his soulmate’s loud, unapologetic laughter.

But now the memories had cleared enough for him to really see Daehyun, and the touches grew warmer. The bright sound of the laughter made Jongup almost desperate to know what Daehyun’s expression would become when he made such an obnoxious noise.

Now the memories made him want to know Daehyun, and the lingering warmth on his skin only pushed him further.

“Jongup?” Daehyun’s voice still sounded unsure. Jongup didn’t want that. He’d stopped in the grass outside the gym, and the wind blew his hair into his face. Shaking his head to move it away only reminded him of the memory, and it pushed Jongup to turn and look at Daehyun’s face, just as he’d wanted to before.

There, he’d been restrained by whatever had happened in his past life. This time, he had all the freedom in the world.

Jongup had found his soulmate. It hadn’t sunk in yet, even though his hand still tingled with the warmth of memory-Daehyun’s touch.

He needed to feel it again. Jongup stared at Daehyun, who watched him with – trepidation? Fear, almost? Jongup didn’t understand it, and he didn’t like how Daehyun bit at his lip again.

Maybe one day in the future, Jongup would feel confident enough to reach out and pull his lip out from between his teeth, stopping Daehyun before he broke the skin or made his lips become an even darker red. For now, he settled with grabbing Daehyun’s hand. The real warmth from it was enough.

Daehyun sucked in a huge breath at the touch, and he released his bottom lip anyway. The darkest blush Jongup had seen yet made its way down Daehyun’s cheeks and spread down his neck.

Maybe even if he had the opportunity, he wouldn’t stop Daehyun from chewing on his lips. Somehow the darker tinge to them made him even more beautiful.

The sight of them made Jongup want an entire list of things he didn’t dare think about now.

Youngjae walked ahead of them, and for as short as he’d been before with them, Jongup could see the small smile trying to tug at his lips even as he rolled his eyes when he caught sight of their entwined hands.

“Are you okay?” he asked, frowning because Daehyun couldn’t seem to look at him.

“Yeah!” Daehyun flashed a too-bright smile at him, his eyes shifting to glance at him and then away again. “Just – um – what did you see? In the memory?”

Somehow Jongup hadn’t even considered that Daehyun would be curious. “Nothing special, really.” He felt his face warm up now and avoided Daehyun’s eye – which wasn’t hard considered Daehyun did the same to him. “Just normal stuff.”

Jongup couldn’t make himself tell Daehyun he’d relived them cuddling and spent the whole memory thinking about Daehyun’s laugh and how he wanted to hear it in this life.

“Nothing weird?” Daehyun asked. Jongup caught an almost desperate note in his voice, but he wasn’t sure – he didn’t know Daehyun, after all.

Jongup shook his head, running his thumb over the back of Daehyun’s hand to try and calm him if something really was wrong.

Youngjae turned around, his curious eyes looking straight for Daehyun and giving Jongup the uncomfortable feeling that they were speaking without words and leaving him out of it. Daehyun confirmed it when he shook his head quickly, and Youngjae nodded.

He turned away again, leading them up to an apartment complex. Jongup followed, not letting himself hesitate because that would require letting go of Daehyun’s hand.

Jongup took off his shoes as he entered, releasing Daehyun’s hand to do so before placing them in an already large pile near the door. Youngjae had disappeared by the time he finished, leaving Daehyun to stand in the hallway, fiddling with the bottom of his shirt and watching with wide, concerned eyes.

“Should we sit down somewhere?” Jongup asked, and though he spoke as soft as possible, Daehyun still flinched when Jongup interrupted his thoughts.

“Oh – right. Yeah, of course.” Daehyun turned back down the hallway, leading him to a living room. They took a seat, and Jongup left a comfortable distance between them, even though he already longed to take Daehyun’s hand again.

“Sorry for dragging you here.” Daehyun bit at his lip again, despairing eyes finding the dishes on the table and messy laundry basket in the corner. “Oh god, it’s a mess too –”

“It’s fine,” Jongup said, interrupting Daehyun before he got more worked up. Daehyun relaxed at his soft words. “I’m glad you came back.”

It was true. Jongup had never thought too much about his soulmate, not when his memories of them were always so simple and domestic. Seeing Daehyun and not just some blurry figure changed everything.

Opening his eyes and finding Daehyun had left hurt more than Jongup would have ever guessed. But what could he have done? He hadn’t seen where Daehyun had gone, and he didn’t even know his name to call after him.

“I panicked.” Daehyun’s face flushed again. “I shouldn’t’ve left.” His foot tapped against the ground, and he stole another glance at Jongup before jerking up to his feet. “Oh – you probably need water. I’ll get you some.”

He left the room before Jongup could tell him he was okay without any. Jongup stared after him, unable to take his eyes away until Daehyun had rushed into the other room.

A door opened from along the hallway, and Jongup leaned back to see Youngjae looking out from it. When they met eyes, Youngjae gave him a sheepish smile, hesitating in his doorway before finally coming out. 

He took a seat, glancing down to the ground and then back at Jongup. He found Youngjae’s poorly disguised interest in him a little creepy. It struck Jongup for the first time that following two guys to their apartment may not have been the best move.

He ran his eyes over Youngjae, trying to figure out why he’d come over. Youngjae caught his eye and held it for a second, until Jongup looked away.

“So – you’ve been seeing a lot of memories then? Daehyun has.”

Jongup got the feeling Youngjae wanted to ask him something other than that, and he frowned, nodding and wishing he understood Youngjae’s point. Everyone experienced more memories when their soulmate got closer. 

“You look scared,” Youngjae said. He chuckled. “Not that Daehyun’s any better.”

Jongup only shrugged, not sure what to say.

“Good god, you’re quiet.” Youngjae shook his head as though he found his presumption shocking. Jongup barely refrained from rolling his eyes. “I promise we’re not like – about to kidnap you or something. You can talk.”

Before Jongup could respond, Daehyun returned with a glass of water. Jongup reached out and took it, cupping his hand around it, even after he’d lowered it to the table.

Jongup sighed, glancing up at both Daehyun and Youngjae. He usually didn’t mind silence, but this was becoming painful.

“Sure you’re not about to kidnap me? Because now you’re giving me drinks.” His dry voice made Youngjae grin, no doubt enjoying the wry joke. Daehyun flinched, reacting as though Jongup had yelled at him. Jongup realized too late that Daehyun had missed Youngjae’s previous comment.

“No!” He almost shouted the word. “Oh my god, I promise I’m not a creep. I should have just gotten your number and met you later. Holy shit – of course you’re uncomfortable; you don’t know us, and we dragged you here.” He paused, taking a deep breath as he ran out of air. His voice got smaller. “If you want to go, you can.” 

Jongup paused for a second, rewinding in his head to try and understand Daehyun's blurted rant. Did he want to leave? He couldn’t remember the last time he’d dealt with such an awkward situation, and that was saying something considering he’d gone through freshman icebreakers only a couple weeks before.

Okay, scratch that. Nothing could be worse than having a fictional character stuck on his back and needing to ask yes-no questions until he figured it out. He’d had an irrational hate of Fred Weasley ever since. At least the guy was dead.

Jongup realized he hadn’t answered and found Daehyun still frowning at him, chewing at his big bottom lip. “I’ll stay,” he said. “Just don’t kidnap me?” He smiled, trying to seem less awkward than he felt.

“Pretty sure you could take us,” Youngjae said, snorting. “You’ll be fine.” Daehyun’s mouth dropped open at Youngjae’s response, but Jongup's smile widened.

Jongup held up his drink. “You could have drugged me, remember?” He took a sip of the water, hiding his smile in the glass as Daehyun’s mouth dropped open further.

“Fuck, we shoulda thought of that sooner.”

“Holy shit, Youngjae,” Daehyun said, finally snapping and smacking his shoulder and ignoring his whine. He turned back to Jongup, his eyes softening. “We’re not gonna kidnap you.” Jongup wondered if Daehyun really hadn’t picked up on the joke, or if he was just too tense for it to register.

He felt a little bad messing with Daehyun already. Probably not the best course of action to make the situation less awkward. Whoops.

Youngjae rubbed at his shoulder, pouting at Daehyun. “Jesus, love makes you violent.” His eyes twinkled as he turned towards Jongup. “Maybe your boy likes that though.”

“Youngjae!” Daehyun hissed his name. “Leave. You’re making everything worse.” He pointed towards the door Youngjae had come through.

“I was lightening the mood,” he said, protesting as Daehyun shoved him off the couch. He laughed as he walked back to his room.

“I’m so sorry,” Daehyun said. “He’s normally not – god, what am I saying? He’s always fucking like that. I don’t know why he’s my friend.”

“I like him.” Jongup smiled, chuckling when Daehyun pouted.

“That’s even worse. You’re supposed to like me. Not him.” He pouted even more, staring at Jongup with wide, sweet eyes. Jongup’s heart jumped, and he had to let out a shuddering breath to calm it down.

Jongup didn’t know Daehyun. He hated judging people before he knew them, too used to bearing the brunt of those judgments himself, but did that apply to Daehyun? After all, Jongup had known him before, just not in this life.

“I like you too.” He smiled, his face warming as Daehyun’s split into a giant grin, causing wrinkles to appear over his entire face and his eyes to disappear.

Looking at it almost hurt Jongup’s eyes, as though he stared directly into the sun for too long. No, never mind. Calling Daehyun sunny was too cliché. Jongup thought Daehyun’s smile looked like – like…

Goddammit, Jongup wasn’t a poet, but he still knew Daehyun’s smile made his heart expand and pulse in a way he’d never experienced before. His breath whooshed out of him as if Daehyun’s smile punched him in the gut, except – well, minus the whole painful side of it.

“What are you thinking about?” Daehyun asked, and Jongup blinked as Daehyun forced him back on topic.

“Nothing much,” Jongup said. “I’m just happy I got to meet you. The memories are nice but this is–” He shook his head, feeling his face heat up again.

“Oh right,” Daehyun’s voice sounded strained, and his smile didn’t make Jongup’s heart jump as much as before. He bit the inside of his cheek, hoping Daehyun would explain. “The memories.”

Jongup laughed, hoping to end whatever tension had appeared in Daehyun. “I think you annoyed me sometimes, always hanging off me like that.”

Daehyun nodded, and he went back to biting his lip. His eyes had become that big, concerned gaze again. Jongup didn’t know what he did to cause it, but his heart shriveled at the sight. He looked down, unsure what to say.

“Can I get your number?” Daehyun asked, almost blurting the words out. “I – have something to do soon, so you can’t stay much longer, but we could meet again and talk, maybe?”

Jongup pulled his phone out, handing it to Daehyun so he could put his number into it. He texted Daehyun his name as soon as he handed it back, pretending he didn’t feel Daehyun’s eyes on him.

For all the familiar feelings bubbling in his heart since he’d seen Daehyun, Jongup had to remember he didn’t know him, and he wouldn’t find out everything in a day. Maybe Daehyun was a secretive person? Jongup doubted it – really doubted it, actually – but still, he wouldn’t push Daehyun to tell him everything. Not yet.

They’d only known each other for less than an hour, after all, even if they’d known each other forever. Jongup grimaced. He had a feeling he’d never totally comprehend the connection he and Daehyun shared. How could he, when it lasted more lifetimes than he'd ever remember? 

Just – he glanced at Daehyun, who fiddled with his phone – Jongup hoped he’d have time to try and figure it out. “I guess I’ll go then,” Jongup said, moving to stand.

“No, wait!” Daehyun said, jumping forward to grab his arm. They both froze at the touch, and Jongup wondered if Daehyun’s heart had lurched with the same power as his own. Daehyun’s skin couldn’t be much warmer than Jongup’s, but the heat spread under his skin and into his blood and through his entire body.

Daehyun’s touch was like a candle, spreading flames up his own skin and – er – burning him to death. Fuck. Okay, Jongup needed to give up on the metaphors and just enjoy the moment. He could think about everything else later.

“You haven’t finished your water,” Daehyun said, face almost flaming (Hah. Okay, now Jongup really needed to stop).

“Oh right,” Jongup said, sitting back down as though he cared about the water. “So –?”

“What year are you?” Daehyun asked. “Did you transfer? Since you haven’t been on campus, I mean.”

“I’m a freshman,” Jongup said, shrugging. “You?”

“Oh shit, you’re younger than I thought. I’m a junior. What’re you studying?”

Jongup frowned at the question, holding back an annoyed eye roll. “Can’t anyone have a conversation without asking that?” He scoffed but softened as he saw Daehyun pull his lip back in-between his teeth, no doubt apologetic. “Sorry, it feels like that’s all anyone ever asks me. I’m undecided.”

“Can I ask what you’re interested in then?” Daehyun asked. “It’s okay if you’d rather I didn’t.”

“No, it’s fine,” Jongup said. “Academically – I don’t really know. I planned on majoring in dance then realized right before I came that – I didn’t want to.” Jongup ran a hand through his hair, the normal explanation feeling as inadequate as always.

“You dance then?” Daehyun asked.

Jongup shrugged. “A little. Not as much since I got here.” He paused, trying to figure out how to convey what he wanted. Goddammit, he sucked with words. Better strike literature and composition off his possible major list - not that he'd ever honestly considered that one anyway. “I love it, but – I want more than that from college.”

Daehyun nodded a couple times, clearly thinking through Jongup’s words, and a surge of grateful happiness rushed through him at how nonjudgmental Daehyun seemed over it. He'd grown used to people smiling and nodding and not bothering to try and understand. “I’m an education major – elementary ed. I love kids.”

Daehyun grinned, and Jongup found it ironic that his smile looked so childish in that moment.

He hoped it stayed like that forever.

“I teach at a school not far from here twice a week – just some reading and math, but the kids are super sweet, and I really love it.” Daehyun seemed to hardly notice he’d gotten more animated as he spoke, and by the end, his cheeks had reddened with excitement as he gestured all around.

Jongup couldn’t help but smile back. “So you like the kids? I wouldn’t have the patience.”

“It’s not for everyone,” Daehyun admitted. “Sometimes they’re exhausting. But – yesterday this little girl – Jieun – gave me a paper crown she made. Said I ‘look like a prince ‘cause only princes have such pretty smiles.’” Daehyun laughed, tilting his head back.

Jongup laughed too, but really, he agreed with her. He could count on one hand how many times he’d seen Daehyun’s biggest smile, but already he looked forward to every time he’d get to see it. Maybe Jongup would let her make up the metaphors for Daehyun, and he’d just appreciate getting to watch him.

“She sounds sweet.”

“Sorry –” Daehyun flushed. “I tend to talk too much if no one stops me.” He laughed again, but this time it had a self-conscious note in it. Jongup frowned.

“It’s fine.” He smiled, and Daehyun returned it, though not as wide as the ones Jongup saw before. “I don’t talk that much, so at least one of us does.”

The smile which grew on Daehyun’s face proved to Jongup he’d said the right thing. Daehyun’s toothy, large grin did that same punching-Jongup-but-in-a-good-way thing as before. Jongup liked that feeling, even if it took his breath away.

Maybe one day he’d feel ready to say he loved it even. He looked forward to finding out.

“I should go,” Jongup said, finally draining the last of his water and standing. The smile dropped off Daehyun’s face as his words, and Jongup’s hand twitched towards him, wanting to make the smile return. He held himself back.

Daehyun had said he was busy, and Jongup already smelled from the gym. He needed a shower. Leaving now made sense. “We’ll get together soon, yeah?”

“Definitely,” Daehyun said. “I’m – really glad I saw you.”

“Same.” Jongup’s eyes crinkled into a wide smile, which Daehyun returned. Another punch.

Daehyun trailed after him as he opened the door, and Jongup leaned against it so he could spend another minute just absorbing how Daehyun looked. His heart pounded as Daehyun took a step closer to him.

Daehyun’s breath hit his cheek, and Jongup’s heart leaped into his throat. The sheer amount of feelings crashing through him like ocean waves anchored him in place even as it tossed him around within them.

He’d never felt anything so intense in his life, not even the high he reached while dancing could compare. Jongup didn’t lose himself in the feeling though, no matter how extreme. Something remained calm and _right_ within him, even among the rushing feelings and the pounding blood in his ears.

Jongup felt as though he’d entered the eye of the storm, and he wanted to throw himself into the wind even more than he wanted to remain in its safety. The storm felt warm.

He barely registered the door opening, not when Daehyun leaned in even closer.

“He’s leaving?” Youngjae’s voice broke their moment, and both jumped, leaning away from each other. Daehyun spun around.

“Youngjae, what the hell?”

“Sorry.” He waved a casual hand, making it even more clear how little he meant the apology. “You can kiss him another time. I want to hear why he murdered you.”

_“Youngjae!”_

Jongup looked from Daehyun to Youngjae, his mouth dropping open as he blinked like an owl. He ran Youngjae's words through his head again, trying to comprehend them.

“What? I’m curious.” Youngjae grinned as though he didn't see how Jongup had frozen. “I mean – I totally get killing Daehyun; he’s a piece of shit, but that’s hardcore, man. What pushed you over the edge?”

Jongup’s mouth dropped open as he looked between Daehyun and Youngjae. “What?” he asked, but Daehyun drowned out his voice.

“Youngjae! I never asked him about it,” Daehyun said, his volume growing as he gestured towards Jongup. His loud voice sounded distant, somewhere behind the blood pounding in Jongup's ears.

“Asked me what?”

“Just – the memories?” Daehyun bit at his lip again. He took another step back, putting an even greater space between them. “Our past life? You – uh – shot me.”

Daehyun's words punched him hard in the gut. Except - unlike Daehyun's smiles, the words brought all the pain of the punch crashing through him and none of the happiness. _“What?”_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks! I appreciate any and all feedback :) - strangely enough considering how often I write Jongup pairings, this is only my second time ever writing Jongup's POV, and I gave it a lot of thought so lmk how I did! There's gonna be one more chapter after this :)


	3. Of Memories, Dreams and Reality

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Don’t go?” Daehyun asked, his voice so small and soft he barely recognized it. Even with how often he threw himself into situations headfirst and with little forethought, he didn’t want to fuck this up.
> 
> Not this.
> 
> Not Jongup.

Daehyun chewed on his lip as he watched Jongup take a step forward, letting the door swing shut behind him. With his scrunched eyebrows and wrinkled forehead, he looked about as confused as Daehyun felt.

“You didn’t know?” he asked. “I figured -?” Jongup shook his head before Daehyun could finish, making him cut off.

“Why don’t you both go and sit down again?” Youngjae said, glancing between them and biting his lip. He stepped closer to Jongup, reaching out towards him. Jongup took a step back, his wary eyes searching for something in both Youngjae and Daehyun’s expressions.

“I don’t know if that’s a good idea.” 

Daehyun’s heart sank at Jongup’s response, and he bit the inside of his cheek hard as Jongup groped behind him for the door handle. Still, if that was what Jongup wanted, Daehyun wouldn't stop him, not when he'd already messed this up.

“You said you’re busy tonight.” Jongup pulled the door open, not breaking eye contact with Daehyun as he moved through it. “Just – text me sometime. We can talk then.”

“I’m not busy,” Daehyun said. He’d wanted Jongup to leave before because he’d not wanted to try and wrap his mind around this version of Jongup and the past version. But then Jongup had smiled and they’d talked, and Jongup looked at him with such a gentle expression that Daehyun no longer cared as much about their past lives.

Jongup paused, halfway out the door. He stared at Daehyun with a stricken expression, and Daehyun had a brief thought where he considered if Jongup had known what happened. Perhaps he hadn't brought it up, hoping Daehyun wouldn't remember. He hoped that wasn't the case. Daehyun didn’t want to think about Jongup lying to him.

Jongup’s comment about Daehyun sometimes annoying him in their past life hung heavy in his mind, but if Daehyun couldn’t trust his soulmate then well, he didn’t know what to do. 

Everything Jongup had done seemed sweet and kind. He’d no doubt felt awful when Daehyun ran away from him, but he’d never acted as though he blamed him. Jongup had seen him and greeted him with a smile and wow. Daehyun couldn’t imagine him being a bad person.

Before he thought it through (goddammit, he needed to work on that), Daehyun reached out and grabbed Jongup’s hand again. Though Jongup had acted so confident earlier – grabbing Daehyun’s hand and holding onto him as if they hadn’t just met - he flinched at the touch, leaning away from Daehyun.

At least he didn’t let go. Daehyun would hate if Jongup didn’t want to talk to him because of his stupid memories.

“Don’t go?” Daehyun asked, his voice so small and soft he barely recognized it. Even with how often he threw himself into situations headfirst and with little forethought, he didn’t want to fuck this up.

Not this.

Not Jongup.

Jongup looked at him, and his eyes got that same gentle look they'd had when he grabbed Daehyun’s hand earlier. He licked at his lips, taking a shaky breath. Daehyun thought he could feel Jongup’s heart beating through his hand – or maybe he felt his own heart beating.

Maybe both of theirs beat together.

If that was true, they better sit down cause damn that fast of a beat could not be healthy. Daehyun shook his head. Not the time to lose track of his thoughts.

“It’s your fault if I stink up your apartment.” Jongup stepped back through the door, letting it close behind him again. Daehyun’s heart lurched at the joke, and he clenched Jongup’s hand tighter in his own. 

Jongup smiled that tiny, soft smile Daehyun had already learned to expect from him. It surprised him how much the smile made his heart jerk in his chest already. Maybe it wasn't only the smile. Maybe the fact Jongup was still there, still joking, still interested in knowing Daehyun even with the complications caused the feeling. Daehyun supposed he shouldn't question it too much.

“We’ll open the windows.” He grinned back, his relief rushing through him. Jongup smiled wider, and then Daehyun had to laugh, letting out a sharp bark to release both tension and all the happiness wrapped tight around his heart. 

Jongup’s hand tightened in his, and Daehyun focused on his face again, finally getting his laughter back under control only to see the smile had dropped off Jongup's face. Now, he stared with a look Daehyun couldn't decipher on his face. Daehyun got the feeling Jongup's face often didn't reveal his thoughts, not as clear as his own did, at least. Perhaps with time, he'd learn to read subtle changes and differences in Jongup's face. 

Daehyun hoped so. 

Even with his inability to read his expression, Jongup’s gaze still held so much warmth Daehyun couldn’t find it in himself to worry, which was saying something. Few people managed to freak out about tiny things as much as he did.

“Are you two ever gonna stop staring at each other?” Youngjae’s dry voice was a very, very unwelcome intruder to Daehyun’s moment. He rolled his eyes, huffing and turning away from Jongup.

“Why are you still out here?” Daehyun would have crossed his arms to accentuate his top-notch glare, but he didn’t want to let go of Jongup’s hand. “You keep making everything worse.”

“I’m moving things along. Someone’s gotta break up all those awkward pauses.”

“Moving things along?” Daehyun’s mouth dropped open, and he shook his head at Youngjae, who smiled and nodded.

Closing his eyes, Daehyun stopped. Counted to ten. He refused to flip shit on Youngjae with Jongup there – at least not yet anyway. Maybe he’d see later if Jongup wanted to cuss Youngjae out with him. It could be nice bonding time for them.

He didn’t know if Jongup did anything but that calm expression with his sweet, tiny smile. In fact, Daehyun couldn't quite imagine how Jongup's voice would sound if he raised it past that conversational - or maybe even a little quieter than that - volume he'd used so far. 

Even so, Daehyun figured anyone who was perfect for him had to enjoy yelling at Youngjae as much as he did.

“Youngjae?” He tilted his head to the side, smiling the same way he used to when he’d been a server at a restaurant. It stung his face, but he created the widest, fakest smile he could. Youngjae met his eyes, smiling as he ignored Daehyun's false grin.

“Yes?” He matched Daehyun's tone, the epitome of innocence. Daehyun had never wanted to kill him more.

“Please go to your room. And lock the door. Don’t come out.”

“Sure, dad, since you asked so nicely.” Youngjae’s tone remained dry as he spoke, but he trailed off, biting his lip. He didn’t move, his eyes darting between Daehyun and Jongup. “It’ll work out, yeah?” Youngjae's voice had softened. He fidgeted, the same way he always did when he didn’t quite know how to say something. 

Daehyun softened, his anger flowing out of him as quickly as it had appeared. Not a strange occurrence, when he considered it. Youngjae liked to tease, but for as much as he stirred things up, he also had Daehyun's best interests at heart. Daehyun appreciated it, even if Youngjae couldn't always say everything outright.

“They’re memories. It’s not this life. I know they matter but – don’t let them matter too much.” Youngjae fixed them both with an awkward, close-lipped smile.

And with that, he turned and walked back towards his room. Daehyun couldn’t help but smile after him. For as much as he complained about Youngjae, he wouldn't trade him for anything. 

“He’s right,” Daehyun said. “I don’t want to risk this life over last one.” He couldn’t look at Jongup as he said it, still facing towards Youngjae's room.

Jongup’s hand tightened around his, calloused fingers pressing harder against his skin. Daehyun started to turn back towards him before deciding to lead him to the couch instead. He turned back to glance at Jongup, who lingered behind him, not resisting but also hesitating. Daehyun related.

He could almost see the thoughts running through Jongup’s mind, swirling together. Jongup handled the overload without any outward signs. Daehyun tapped his free hand against his thigh. 

Jongup kept their hands intertwined as they sat on the couch but moved a comfortable distance away, training his eyes on Daehyun's.

He’d take that. Daehyun could call that progress. He chewed on his lip, wanting Jongup to speak, but he only waited, the question unspoken but heavy in his gaze. Daehyun couldn't bear the silence for long.

“My memories are really confusing. We don’t really understand them.”

“I killed you?” Straight to the point. Jongup seemed like the kind of person who didn’t waste words.

Too bad Daehyun’s rambles were ninety percent bullshit. Not that he’d ever admit it aloud; it could possibly reach Youngjae, and he’d never ever hear the end of it. Speaking of said rambles, Daehyun realized he’d started to speak. Uh oh. It was a bad sign his mind had yet to catch up with the words, let alone that he hadn’t planned them beforehand.

“Um – kinda. Yeah. But! There’s a lot more than that, and it really doesn’t make sense, and honestly I mean, even if you did kill me, it wasn’t you-you. It was past-you, and I’m okay with that because you seem really nice.” Oh great, he was out of air. That was an even worse sign. Usually, if he managed to say that much that quickly it meant he’d said a complete jumble of words. 

“That’s why you ran away.” Jongup didn’t phrase it as a question. Daehyun wondered how often he managed to infer things out of the air like that. Or maybe it was more logical than it appeared to Daehyun.

Nodding, he pursed his lips. “I shouldn’t have done that.” Daehyun grimaced, wishing he’d thought harder before running out of the gym. “I just – it surprised me.” Jongup shrugged a shoulder.

“Understandable.” The corner of Jongup’s mouth moved upwards to form a soft smile. Daehyun couldn’t help but smile back, relieved Jongup hadn’t gotten angry with him. “That – doesn’t make sense though.”

“Why?”

“My memories.” Jongup shrugged one of his shoulders, his face starting to heat up. “They’re nothing like that.” Daehyun waited for him to continue, but it seemed he didn’t plan on saying more. He motioned Jongup on, raising an eyebrow as a silent question.

Jongup’s blush deepened, and Daehyun couldn’t help but grin at it. He rubbed his thumb against the back of Jongup’s hand. “Most of them are just us - uh - cuddling and things like that.”

Daehyun’s smile faded as he realized Jongup’s point. “You’re kidding me.” Jongup shook his head. “Mine are weird.”

“Weirder than me murdering you?” Jongup tried to smile, but it was weak and only made Daehyun long to put a real smile on his face again.

“What’s weirder than murder except for even more murder.” Daehyun tried not to sound too bitter. He failed. “I remember dying like four times.”

Jongup frowned at him. “And I killed you?”

“Only the one time,” Daehyun said, grimacing. “Just – uh – seeing it today was a little jarring.”

Jongup nodded. “Are you sure I -?”

“I’m not lying,” Daehyun insisted, interrupting. He glared. “I wouldn’t do that.” Without a word, Jongup held up his free hand and backed off, making Daehyun regret his anger. He deflated with a short sigh. “Sorry.”

Jongup’s forefinger rubbed against Daehyun’s hand. He wondered if that’s how Jongup accepted an apology or if it was only an unconscious motion.

The silence made Daehyun shift, but he recognized Jongup was thinking through what he said earlier.

“Are you sure you died? Really died?”

“When you killed me, yeah. There’s no way I could’ve –” He broke off and bit his lip. Jongup’s eyes dropped from where he’d been keeping calm eye contact with Daehyun. God, how did he end up with a soulmate who reacted so little compared to his own grand overreactions? “The other times – I don’t know for sure. One – uh – we got locked in a freezer.” He mumbled the last words, recognizing how crazy it sounded.

Jongup’s eyebrows came together, a heavy frown forming on his face. Daehyun wondered if he always looked like that when he thought hard about something. 

He realized he should probably stop staring at Jongup’s face, and instead try and figure out what happened. The longer he watched Jongup, though, the less their past life mattered to him.

Daehyun had watched drama after drama where soulmates found each other and figured out the stories of their past life. He’d watched narratives where the main characters learned how they’d been torn apart by war, complete with dramatic renditions of soulmate memories which appeared much clearer and much more realistic than anything he’d ever seen.

Always, the hunt for what happened in their past life brought them together, and they fell in love despite tragic backstories and initial differences.

Daehyun had always imagined his soulmate would shine some light on the memories, would fix everything and sweep him into their arms and – well, Daehyun couldn’t imagine Jongup doing that.

But even more than that, he didn’t mind.

Daehyun felt as though he’d gotten only the smallest taste of Jongup. Wow, the memories told him nothing about Jongup, did they?

Except – Daehyun grinned as something popped into his head. It was the last thing he thought would make sense about the memories, but of everything he’d seen, he was glad it was this that made it through to Jongup’s current life.

“You danced.” Something distant in Jongup’s eyes disappeared as Daehyun broke him out of his thoughts, but he didn’t jump. “In our past life. Never really got to see it well though. Maybe – I can now?”

Jongup’s frown morphed into that small, soft smile again. “Not in your apartment but later, yeah. Definitely.” Daehyun grinned back at him.

As Daehyun watched, Jongup's smile transformed, changing into one he hadn’t seen yet. This one looked goofier, more amused and larger. Jongup's eyes nearly disappeared.

“So – I was a dancing murderer?” He shook his head. “At least life wasn’t boring.” 

“You think about that a lot, don’t you?” Daehyun said. The words moved from his brain and out his mouth before he totally realized it. He figured he would commit to them. “Not being boring.”

Jongup shrugged a shoulder, a light blush growing on his face. “I hate routine,” he admitted. “I want to make memories.”

“As long as murdering me isn’t one of those, we’re good.” Daehyun chuckled when Jongup’s eyes widened before his little smile settled on his face again. It surprised Daehyun how he could joke about what hurt him that morning, but he almost couldn’t help it.

His heart had grown much too full to focus on anything negative. Jongup let go of his hand and used that arm to reach out towards him, the sure motion making Daehyun’s heart pound. He stiffened as Jongup’s hand grew closer. Jongup smiled wider, his eyes distant once again.

“You were touchy,” he said. “In my memories. You used to hang off me, and I would pretend to be annoyed.”

Fuck. Daehyun needed to stop blushing. “Sounds like me.”

“You have the same laugh too.” Jongup’s hand reached around his back and firm fingers grasped Daehyun’s waist, tugging him closer.

Daehyun scooched closer, eyes dropping away from Jongup’s face. His reaction caused Jongup to stop shifting him, letting go of his waist. He left his hand behind Daehyun. 

“Are you scared of me?” He swore he could hear Jongup’s frown in his voice but didn’t dare look at him, lest he meet Jongup’s eyes from only inches away.

“No,” Daehyun said. He swallowed hard, trying to flip the jumbled mess of thoughts in his head upside down. Maybe if he looked at them another way he’d understand how he felt. “I’m just – confused.” He laughed, but it wasn’t funny.

“Daehyun.” The frown sounded worse. Daehyun winced and tossed the thought from his head. He couldn't know Jongup well enough to notice something like that. Jongup sighed. “All my memories of us are moments like this,” he said. “Just – us, together. I can’t explain your memories, but I know I want more like mine.”

Daehyun finally forced himself to look up. Jongup’s eyes were heavy, but traces of hope lingered in them, bright and obvious in his dark eyes, and god, Daehyun could stare into those eyes forever. He slid closer, closing the last couple inches between his body and Jongup’s.

It was still a little awkward. Daehyun wished he knew how to fit against Jongup’s side. Considering he was taller, should it be Jongup curling into his side? Daehyun lowered his head onto Jongup’s shoulder, pushing the thoughts from his mind.

Was he overthinking? Oh, most definitely. Daehyun dared a glance up towards Jongup's face. He watched Daehyun, and his eyes had done that softening thing where now he stared at Daehyun like he needed to absorb every detail, like they didn't have an entire lifetime together. 

“You’re even warmer than in the memories.” 

Daehyun’s breath caught at the sight of Jongup’s smile, and he couldn’t help but duck his head at the wonder in his voice. Jongup’s hand moved back up to rest against his waist.

The pressure calmed him. He smiled, the awkwardness not mattering as much anymore. Something small in Jongup's words caught his attention. He frowned. “You can feel in the memories?” Daehyun looked up just in time to see Jongup’s nod.

“Doesn’t everyone?”

“I never do.” He frowned, straining his memory again. “Or, I don't know. Maybe - maybe your hand was warm? But I never felt the gunshot or anything.” 

“It didn’t hurt?” Jongup's eyebrows came together as he frowned again. His voice got that strange tone to it, the one Daehyun thought sounded like a frown before. Huh, so apparently Daehyun could already hear his facial expressions. Good to know. 

He pulled his thoughts back to the conversation, shaking his head as he watched with wide eyes. 

Jongup stared at him, a loose frown still on his face. “I feel a lot – you, ah, I’m ticklish so –” His face lit up like a fucking Christmas tree. Daehyun grinned as he put it together, snaking a hand out and pinching Jongup’s side. 

He jumped, banging his knee on the table as his hands shot over to protect himself. His eyes found Daehyun’s and he looked so shocked that Daehyun couldn’t help but begin to giggle. Jongup rolled his eyes, even as a giggle escaped him too.

“You’re bad at pretending to be annoyed,” Daehyun said, once he got his laughter under control. Jongup shook his head, sliding back over and grabbing Daehyun’s wrist to ensure his safety. 

“Give it a couple days. I’m sure I’ll be tired of it by then.” His eyes did that soft thing that Daehyun never got to see in his memories, but it seemed to happen whenever Jongup looked at him for more than a second.

Daehyun went to curl into Jongup’s side again, but he still felt awkward, as though he didn't quite fit against Jongup right. He frowned, looking back over at Jongup and reaching out for him. Jongup let him, watching with curious eyes and a growing smile as Daehyun touched him with tentative hands. He moved Jongup into a more comfortable position so he could lean against him.

Grinning at his handiwork, Daehyun half-stood to move against him. Jongup’s hands locked around his waist before he could, tugging him onto his lap instead.

“Hey!” Daehyun couldn’t hide his smile. He figured even without it, his fake annoyance wouldn’t seem very realistic. “You smell. I don’t want to sit on your lap.” Jongup snorted.

“Too late for that. You’re the one who wouldn’t let me leave so I could shower.”

“You could use mine?” Daehyun turned to face him. Jongup raised an eyebrow, clearly expecting a catch because of Daehyun’s growing smile. Damn right. “But then I’d have to join you.”

“Moving a little fast there, aren’t you?” 

“Sorry, I don’t make the rules.”

“It’s a rule to not shower alone? Must get awkward for you and Youngjae.” Jongup said, chuckling. He leaned forward, and his breath puffed against Daehyun’s neck. 

Daehyun shivered. Or shuddered. He wasn’t sure if his reaction was to Jongup’s implications or the way Jongup’s breath stirred the hairs on his neck. “Only applies to soulmates.”

“Glad to hear it.” Jongup’s voice had quieted, and now he murmured the words against Daehyun’s neck. He shivered again. Dammit. Jongup smiled against his neck, and goosebumps appeared all over Daehyun’s body. Fuck. Not the time.

Except Jongup totally knew what he was doing, and now his fingers traced patterns over Daehyun’s hips.

“Now who’s moving fast?”

“I have no idea what you’re talking about.” Jongup pressed his smile into Daehyun’s neck again. Daehyun held back another shiver. Jongup’s hand slipped under the edge of his shirt so he could run his fingers across Daehyun’s skin.

Daehyun let out a strangled gasp as Jongup’s fingertips walked across his stomach. Jongup’s quiet, breathy laugh echoed in his ear.

“Fuck, I change my mind. Kill me. Please.” At least Jongup couldn’t see his blush from behind him.

“No take backs,” Jongup said, his voice mild. He crossed his arms over Daehyun, their weight heavy and comforting against his hips. “Not planning on killing you this life.” He fell silent, and Daehyun tried not to fidget as more questions raced through his head. For as much as he’d like to enjoy cuddling, he still couldn’t put everything behind them.

“Does it bother you?” Daehyun asked. “That you killed me?”

Once again, Jongup took some time to think before he answered. One of his hands cupped Daehyun’s hip, his thumb rubbing circles in a calm, unconscious way. “Only if it bothers you.”

Daehyun wanted to say no. He wanted to promise Jongup everything was okay. From his lap, Daehyun could even believe it. But he also knew himself better than that. “A little,” he said. Jongup’s chest sank as he let out a heavy breath. His hand froze on Daehyun’s hip.

“I don’t think this is a lap conversation,” Daehyun said, sliding over to sit next to Jongup again. He could see his own hesitance reflected in Jongup’s eyes. Who knew if they’d get anywhere with this conversation? Daehyun only knew so much from the memories; they’d likely never piece the full thing together.

But he owed it to Jongup to try. Daehyun knew himself well enough to know the memory of Jongup’s cold eyes, of that pleased smirk growing on Jongup's lips, would haunt him for a while. Daehyun would get over it eventually – he either would deal with it or lose Jongup, and Daehyun already couldn’t imagine walking away from him – but he owed it to Jongup to not push it aside.

Damn, dealing with things was hard. Stupid responsibility.

Daehyun wanted Jongup to start the conversation, mainly because he didn’t know how. But he'd never dealt with silence well, and Jongup seemed fine waiting for him to speak. Daehyun couldn’t meet his eyes, instead focusing on the mole on his nose.

It looked more vivid than in the memory, but Daehyun's memories had always been hazy, even compared to most other people he knew.

“I don’t understand why our memories don’t match.” So it seemed Jongup would start the conversation after all. For a brief time, Daehyun felt relieved, but then he remembered he still needed to continue it. 

“I don’t know,” he said. “I’ve just never seen anything good happen to us.”

“Not even the dancing?” Jongup’s lips quirked into a small smile. The joke was a little weak, but Daehyun would take it. He smiled back.

“I don’t understand that either,” he said. The smile faded as he thought. “I could’ve sworn it was at the same place – like the dancing and the – uh – murder.”

Jongup nodded, his frown growing even deeper. “And you didn’t feel any of it?” 

Daehyun shook his head, looking down at his hands. “They didn’t really bother me much until I saw you. Guess – I just thought we’d figure it out together, but then –” He shook his head, emotion rising up and choking him as it filled his throat. He couldn’t look at Jongup.

“We are going to figure it out together,” Jongup promised him. Daehyun resisted the urge to reach out for him again, knowing they needed to make it through the conversation first. Jongup sighed, and Daehyun’s eyes darted up to look at him, only to see him also looking away.

“I don’t know why you’d feel me tickling you, but I wouldn’t feel anything.” Daehyun’s fingers played with the material on the couch, ripping out a loose thread. “It doesn’t make sense.”

“There was a camera in what I remembered today.” Jongup still didn’t look at him, but Daehyun got the feeling from his absent voice he wasn’t avoiding Daehyun’s gaze but rather lost in memories. “We were taking photos together.” 

“That’s cute.” Daehyun tried to push down jealousy. He wanted cute memories with Jongup, not the mess he’d gotten.

“No –” Jongup looked back at him. “It was a photoshoot or something. We were posing for it.”

“Great, so we’re adding models to the list of occupations we had last life.”

Jongup chuckled. “Let me finish,” he said, and Daehyun watched him as he continued to work through a thought. “It felt off. Like my expression felt weird. Less real than normal memories.” He met Daehyun’s eyes and cocked his head to the side. “Yours don’t feel real either.”

“What do you –?” Daehyun’s heart skipped a beat as he tried to comprehend Jongup’s point. It lingered in the corner of his thoughts, and Daehyun felt as though he could brush his fingers against it but not grab it. "What are you saying?" 

Jongup surveyed him for a moment, eyes flicking across his face. "What if it wasn't supposed to feel real? Because it wasn't."

Welp nevermind. Daehyun thought almost understood it, but Jongup lost him there. "Um?"

"Maybe I'm wrong," Jongup said. "But cameras? And everything you've seen?" He still looked calm, but Daehyun could see his knee bouncing.

And then Daehyun understood. "You think it was a movie or something?"

"Yeah, like, we were actors?" Jongup shrugged, looking less sure now that Daehyun understood. “I don’t know but – it would explain things.”

Daehyun nodded, running the memories through his mind. It made more sense than he cared to admit, considering he’d never thought about it before. “There was ice on me – in the freezer. But I wasn’t cold.” He paused. “Plus, the dancing and the – uh – dying in the same place.”

“Dying multiple times,” Jongup said. “But not feeling it.” Something had lit up in his eyes, and his hopeful gaze met Daehyun’s. He understood it. For as much as Jongup acted as though he didn’t care about their past lives, Daehyun didn’t want to imagine the shock he’d gotten when he realized Daehyun remembered him as a murderer.

“So, basically I fake-died a bunch of times?” Daehyun said. He shook his head, laughing as the absurdity of the situation struck him. It sounded so insane, but it made so much fucking sense at the same time. Jongup grinned at him.

“We remembered different parts of our last life,” he said. “I got the personal stuff; you got work.”

Daehyun pouted. “That’s so unfair.” 

Jongup giggled. “Better than me killing you.”

“Marginally,” Daehyun said. “You still almost gave me a heart attack.”

“As if that’s my fault.” Jongup rolled his eyes, but through the fake annoyance, Daehyun could hear his relief that they’d figured it out. “You’re the one who ran away.”

“You’re the one who did really fucking well playing a murderer.” Daehyun shook his head as another slightly-hysteric laugh escaped him. “The fuck kind of movie was that anyway? Dancing and murder still don’t go together.”

“Maybe you lost the dance-off, so I killed you.”

“Or we were the star-crossed soulmates stuck on opposite sides of our dance-gangs.”

“So, West Side Story?”

“Shit.” Daehyun grinned. “I mean, you’re not wrong.”

Jongup smiled back, the corners of his lips turning up, and his small eyes narrowing even further. He shifted, cracking his back and then turned, laying back to rest his head on Daehyun’s lap. 

Daehyun froze, his smile growing even larger on his face. “Hi.” He ran his hands through Jongup’s slightly-greasy hair. “You need a shower.”

“I’ve been saying that for hours,” Jongup said. “You still won’t let me leave.”

“Do you really want to?” Daehyun asked, trying to look concerned but unable to pull the smile off his face. Jongup shook his head. “Thought so.” Daehyun’s fingers continued to run through his hair, occasionally letting his hand move to brush shaky fingers down Jongup’s cheeks. 

Daehyun felt both like he was stuck in a dream and like he’d never been more aware in his life. The smooth feel of Jongup’s hair as it ran through his fingers seemed to activate every nerve in his body, and Daehyun struggled to stay relaxed enough to keep his leg from bouncing, not wanting to disturb Jongup.

As Daehyun continued to run his hands through his hair, Jongup’s eyes fluttered shut. Daehyun watched with a small smile as Jongup’s muscles relaxed further, no doubt enjoying Daehyun’s soft touch.

He wondered if Jongup had remembered things like this from before. Daehyun frowned at the thought, but this time, it wasn’t so much that the memories bothered him as unfair the whole situation was for him.

“Why did you get all the cute memories?” he asked, poking Jongup’s cheek. He groaned, blinking up at Daehyun, who pouted. “I want cute memories.”

Jongup smiled, shifting so he curled even closer towards Daehyun’s warmth. “We can fix that,” he said. “We’ll just have to make some.” He yawned, and his eyes closed again. Daehyun smiled down at him, exercising an iron-strong control over his body so he didn’t start flailing around over Jongup’s adorable, perfect answer.

Daehyun’s smile only grew as Jongup relaxed further, clearly falling asleep. He couldn’t resist teasing him one more time, poking at his cheek again. “Jongup?”

“Mmm?” He didn’t open his eyes.

“What happened to making memories?”

Jongup let out a quiet, amused huff. “Sometimes you make memories. Sometimes you take naps. We’ll have lots of time for both.”

Daehyun couldn’t find fault with that. He went back to playing with Jongup’s hair. 

Maybe he’d remember this in his next life, before he met Jongup again. Maybe he’d remember things totally different than this.

At least he wouldn’t be a dick like last life and leave himself a bunch of memories of dying and dancing. 

Daehyun chuckled, careful not to shift too much. From his lap, Jongup let out a quiet breath, turning his head even further towards the warmth of Daehyun’s stomach.

It didn’t matter, Daehyun decided, what would happen in their future lives. He figured his past self thought that too. What mattered was he got to spend a whole life learning Jongup and himself and the world around them. 

Daehyun felt a lot of things, all swirling together in his chest. Happiness. Excitement. Love. But most of all, he felt lucky. He’d watched dramas where soulmates didn’t treasure each other enough, instead falling into complacency and entitlement. After all, fate locked them together throughout their lifetimes. 

Daehyun couldn’t imagine ever doing that. Even with their connection, something told him he could spend as many lifetimes as he wanted learning Jongup, and Jongup would still manage to keep Daehyun on his toes.

He looked forward to learning everything he could. But for now, Jongup was right. They had time, and Daehyun felt content with the weight of Jongup’s head in his lap and the feeling of his hair through his fingers.

Jongup smiled in his almost-sleep, letting out another soft breath. Daehyun may not know Jongup, not yet, but for now, he couldn't be happier. He thought Jongup would agree.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading! This is by far the fluffiest thing I've ever written. Maybe it's a lil over the top, but I liked it :) Hope you did too. I appreciate any comments or kudos! 
> 
> Just in case anyone's interested, I wrote a small Halloween scene featuring established Daeup as I wrote them in this universe and a not-so-scary vampire!Jae :) Here's the [ link!](https://onlystraightforjongup.tumblr.com/post/166881791523/title-when-vampires-clean-houses-characters)

**Author's Note:**

> Ayyyy new twist on the classic soulmate AU xD Thanks for reading :) I'd love any feedback, good or bad! I'm thinking one or two more chapters but it's still a little up in the air.


End file.
